Cry if you tried. ^.^

This is one of the songs I've written.

It's bitter I know. But when I wrote this, it explained everything I wanted to do. But I did not.

Good thing I did not. :)

I tried not to look straight in your eyes

Cause in your eyes I see

The only fear that's haunting me

I tried not to sing the songs you used to play

Nor go with the melody of why we fail

Cause it tears me apart to see you not coming back

Why did you leave me in despair?

And all that's left are memories we've shared

And nothing's new but total pain

Since you stopped calling my name

I tried to bear what I thought would fade

Move and dream away

But the path I've crossed

Lead my way back to you

I never thought that love would lose its way

to a home I never wished you'd stay

So I tried to get you back one day

But you said No, and asked me to go..

ENTRANCE

It's been a while since the last time I blogged. I've been through this getting-my-self-back-on-track stage (haha! a sugar quote for moving on). And now that I am back, there are lots of thing I've been wanting to share.

It's really amazing how I managed everything I've been through. After a terrible heartache,not being in school for the last semester and stressful work load, it's such a relief seeing myself happy. I must admit, I've swallowed every bitterness I woman can bear;Bitterness which I am proud I've had because it made me the strongest person I can be for the past 21 years.

Heartache. Little or too much, it's always been a downer for me. I temporarily lost my motivation to attend my school. I know it's pathetic. It really was. I knew what I needed to do but I've let my emotions overate my thoughts. I was on training for work when the break up struck me. It kept me busy but I really had a tough time getting used to the single set up. It wasn't east but thanks to my friends! Again, they have rescued me from a horrible nightmare. And I am glad, that after all the bitterness, I am better. I am happy without sacrificing my friendship with the person I used to love. And glad, that after long months, I can finally say that I have moved on.

Thanks to the people who were there for me during those tough times. I am blessed to have you. Thanks to God!

^.^

Matagal ka nang wala. At matagal ka na ring nananatili. Simula ng magpatuloy ka sa iyong paglalakbay na hindi ako ang tangan. Nananatili pa rin ang iyong bakas sa lupang dati mong kinatatayuan. Kung saan dating mga pangarap ay nabubuhay. Nanatili ang mga bakas na iyon, KASAMA AKO. Ngayon masyado ka nang malayo para sundan at habulin pa. Hindi ko na maaninag ang postura mo,hindi ko na rin alam kung tama bang hinayaan kitang suungin ang malawak na bukirin ng mag-isa. Ngunit ikaw ang may nais nito. Ikaw ang pumili nito. Ilang beses ko tinangkang ikilos ang mga paa ko pasunod sa iyo. Ngunit bago ka lumisan, sinabi mong magtiwala ako. Tama bang nananatili ako sa kiinatatayuan ko kasama ang nakaraan mo? ang nakaraan nating dalawa. O makabubuting iwan ko na ang mga ito at simulan nang maglakad patungo sa ibang direksyon? Taliwas sa daang tinahak mo. Magkikita pa kaya tayo? Sa dulo ba ng paglalakbay na ito, ikaw ang matatagpuan ko? Apat na bakas na ba ng paa ang tatanawin ko sa tuwing lilingon ako? Sana.. Sana.

Ihip ng hangin

Naglalakbay ang tinig mo sa hangin hanggang sa ang tinig ay makarating sa akin. Ang tinig mong naglalaro sa dilim. Dadalhin ka sa akin ng hangin. Dadalhin nito ang mga salitang tutunaw sa yelong nakabalot sa aking pagkatao. At sa oras na maganap iyon, Malaya ka ng makakalapit sa akin. Sa tulong ng hangin.

mabilis na lumalamig ang Kape

Tugma sa emosyon ko ang lamig ng paligid. Tinatanaw ko ang mga punong matatag na nananatili. Matatag sa kahit na sino pang nilalang sa kapaligiran. Naisip ko, marahil ginawa ang mga tao bilang kakaibang uri dahil may mga pagkakataong hindi nito kayang harapin ang lahat ng unos na maaring dumating sa kanya . Mga unos na maaring lumunod sa kanyang pagkatao. Mga unos na sumusubok sa hangganan ng pasensya niya. Mga unos na humuhubog sa tapang mo. Ang tanging abante ng tao sa iba pa Niyang nilikha, ilang beses mang matumba si Adan o si Eba, makakatayo ng tiyak sila. Hindi tulad ng mga puno. O maging ng hangin.

Malamig pa rin ang hangin. Kasing lamig ng pakikitungo nila sa akin. Sing bilis ng pagdampi ng hangin ang pagkawala nila. Hindi ko naaninag o nayapos man lang. Lumalamig na rin ang kape sa dilaw na tasa katabi na papel na sinulatan ko. Unti-unti na ring pumapait ang panlasa ko. Katulad mo. Katulad nila. Mapait at malamig ang pagtanggap sa presensya ko. Nahushagan ako base sa anyo at kulay. Sadya nga bang maling paghaluin ang lamig sa pait? O sadya lamang akong naging mapilit?

Unconditional love it is.

I've heard the songs of love when shared our vows of eternity. The songs kept playing on playing as we exchange bonds of our lifetime commitment. I was so happy that day that I cried. You gave me the sweetest kiss we’ve ever shared: A kiss that will last through out my existence. You hugged me so tight saying the words of happiness that finally you can call me yours.

We danced under the moon and the stars. I closed my eyes to feel you more. I heard a blast. It was not part of the songs that were played. I knew something’s wrong. I opened my eyes. You were looking at me.. Your eyes were almost in tears. Others were running away from us. I heard them shouting. I heard them crying. My heartbeat started to pound faster. You were slowly falling onto the ground. But your eyes.. your eyes.. They were still looking at me. I cried. I tasted pain. Your blood stained my hands and my dress. I kept on crying but you were stuck in my arms. You were stuck there with me. And there was silence.

And now, I am alone in this rocking chair. For fifty years, I stayed here. Embracing the moments we had. I have lived my life the way we planned it. And now, I’m on my way to you. Wait for me, I’ll be there with you. Wait for me my love, as I've waited for you.